I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
