I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
