i need an iv and a liver transplant
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The Olympian is in my bed
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
