I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
