did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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