I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
