So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's just like the Real World with babies
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
