Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
