When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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