we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
