In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
