I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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