Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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