Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
