You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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