I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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