So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
