When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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