My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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