dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
