He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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