i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
