I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
