So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
