Dual....:-)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
