she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
