i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
