My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
