i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
