I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
