vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
