I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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