I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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