Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
