I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
