I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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