i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
this boner is exhausting
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
