i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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