you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
