please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
