her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
