OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
