I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
