Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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