I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
