I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
