Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
