This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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