i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
