hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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