I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
