my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
