Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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